Leo J. O’Donovan Dining Hall – Railing to his friends recently at everyone’s favorite dining hall, Jake Donahue (MSB ‘24) expressed his frustration at how many people mistake him for other white men on a daily basis. Even more disheartening to Jake is that, upon first glance (as well as closer inspection), it is no […]

One of the silver linings of zoom classes last year was the ability to relax a little bit while living alone (because families do not count as people). We could zone out during a lecture and shop online, let out a little fart without fearing anyone would hear you, and everyone’s favorite, muting yourself, leaning […]

Sophomore Bernard Manilow (COL ‘23), is majoring in Portuguese and Spanish with a Creative Writing minor, and yet he still manages to find time in between his short stories and foreign films to go hang out with your mom. When asked about how he juggles all these responsibilities, Bernard explained, “There is a strong sense […]

When Samuel Clemens (COL ‘23) announced that he was declaring a major in English in the spring of last year, everyone was too distracted by the pandemic, and unaware that they were still actually in college, to do anything. Now that he is back on campus, the junior is facing more problems than he anticipated.  […]

Georgetown Caucasian Studies Department – Due to a critical lack of race and gender studies scholars concerning themselves with the behavior and lived experiences of white men, I have embarked on a cultural inquiry into the nature of the caucasian male and all its nuanced behaviors.  This is an inquiry that has demanded research for […]

GEORGETOWN – The first annual meeting of the Campus Know-Nothing Party, a student group devoted to combatting the influence of foreign religious orders, enforcing temperance, and agitating for presidential candidate Millard Fillmore, has raised the possibility that Georgetown University has been infiltrated by agents of the Romanist world conspiracy. Present at this meeting was sophomore […]

We at The Heckler know that the schedule of a college student can quickly become convoluted. With all of the late nights, early mornings, and unexpected trysts with guys from your zoom class who turned out to be tall in real life, it can be hard to remember to take the pill at the same […]

“That’s better,” Professor Mills-Newhouse says as he takes off his mask after asking the student in the back of the classroom to repeat an incorrect answer for the fourth time. He emphatically nods his head despite still not being able to hear Heather’s hot take and promptly wipes his nose with his hand that he […]

THE FOURTH PLAIN OF SORROWS — I recently had the privilege of interviewing Georgetown’s first-ever extradimensional student (unless my ex finally admits that she’s a malicious entity inhabiting a human body, Emma). As Georgetown’s premier news publication, The Heckler was summoned to a location beyond spacetime itself to cover a very pressing matter. Here’s how […]

Ferdinand Magellan, Neil Armstrong, Frodo Baggins – all of these bold adventurers of old pale in comparison to Jake, your next-door neighbor. He sashays barefoot through the diverse ecosystem that is your floor’s communal bathroom, with no regard for his own safety or health. Such brazen defiance is not without consequences, as the entirety of […]