NAVY YARD – Georgetown has granted the Class of 2021 the opportunity to celebrate graduation together. The only catch: the powers that be have mandated that graduation take place in Nationals Park, which is, tragically, a baseball thing. Now, there are some notable pros for Nats Park as a graduation venue. There’s the prospect of […]

We see you’re trying to log into your account, so we’ve created this new Captcha quiz to test whether or not you’re a robot! Please answer these five questions about whether this is Vanessa Hudgens, a van of pigeons, or vanilla hummus to prove that you’re not a robot. Question 1: Vanessa Hudgens, van of […]

Hear ye, hear ye! We, The Board of Directors of The Georgetown Heckler (who?!), are happy to announce that we have officially decided to expand our business into the storage realm (what??).  Given the ever-present need amongst the Georgetown student body for summer storage, The Heckler has decided to convert our offices into make-shift storage […]

SOUP LOVERS BEWARE: Soup is, indeed, after much deliberation, gross. The Heckler advises you to stay away until further notice. The age-old debate of “Soup or Salad” has long weighed heavy on the common man. Whether it be miso, chicken, or minestrone, soup is a wet sloppy mess that should only be enjoyed by those […]

It is a brilliant blue morning after the evening before the evening before Thursday morning in Yellow Springs, Ohio, where an excited citizenry is putting the last touches on the set of their production of the One Year Anniversary of the Ten Year Anniversary of the Twenty-five Year Anniversary of the Original 1985 West End […]

We don’t want to do this. But, in the name of journalistic integrity and all that we at the Heckler hold dear, we must.  There was a time when the New England Classic was like a brother to us. There was a time when we stood, arm in arm, athwart the tide of untruth, moral […]

In a bid to enhance the customer experience, several national retail chains have programmed their self-checkout counters to blare suggestive, condom-related quips every time a man tries to buy a jimmy.  “Everything’s robots nowadays, you know?” CVS CEO Karen Lynch said during an interview with The Heckler in that one aisle of the store with […]

In normal years, students at Georgetown spend their time bemoaning the brutalist architecture, crowded studying spaces, and sinister trash bags wrapped around the toilet bowls of Lauinger Library (editor’s note: these toilets are not broken, just reserved for Heckler staff). However, this fall, students will be doing the exact same thing with a brand new […]

GEORGETOWN — The widespread Hoya enthusiasm surrounding this year’s commencement was disrupted this morning after an announcement by the Office of the President that the aforementioned ceremonies would be held exclusively in Farsi.  The announcement stated that “In order to achieve an in-person graduation ceremony we had to make some sacrifices, including limiting the number […]

A couple of weeks ago, “Seaspiracy” took Netflix by storm. The sleek new documentary about the policies and practices destroying the world’s seas had all of the hallmarks of a commercial documentary success: Raw, secret footage! A British host! Controversy and corruption! Simplistic solutions for complex issues! For many, the documentary’s revelatory power was just […]