Greetings, reader! In this piece, we’re going to tell you a bit about Robert Groves’ careerrrrrrrrgbigrrtgedeinf— Oh man, sorry—I dozed off there for a second. Where were we?  Oh, right! The illustrious career of Robert Grovessssssssfdfeeffdfddddfdffeeeeeffffeffferrr— Huh…? Oh, my goodness! I’m so sorry for snoozing. This topic is just so uninteresting; it’s hard to keep […]

Hey, The Hoya. Listen, champ, why don’t you have a seat? I know you don’t really want to talk to me, but I talked with your mother and she thinks it’s important that we have a talk. Or, how about we get out the baseball gloves and have a catch? No? OK then, we can […]

Cara Montez-Jones (SFS ‘23) is KILLING it right now with her political takes! In response to the news of the horrific Texas abortion ban, as she has for many causes before, Cara took to her Instagram story to decry the move and the people that made it. Cara, a Connecticut native, had lots to share.  […]

We at the Heckler happily condone students organizing for abolition, protesting the Georgetown overlords, and keeping themselves safe on campus by any means necessary. We also think that you should be able to have some creative, safe fun while you resist GUPD’s unwelcome presence. Here are six easy ways to do so!  Walk very, very […]

Hoya Saxa! We are proud to announce that we are consolidating all of the programs and resource centers for students who do not fit our standard (i.e., most visible and lucrative) demographic into the basement of New South Hall. The basement is now to be renamed the “You Are Different Than Us Memorial Basement” in […]

Seeking treatment for his intense, anxiety-induced sleep deprivation, Michael Morris (COL’25) was shocked to hear CAPS’ half-baked solution to his pressing health needs. “Listen, kid,” muttered an LCSW in between drags of a cigarette. “I’m at fucking rock bottom here. There was once a time where kids would just bottle up their depression and anxiety […]

An excerpt from the journal of Franz Kafka: Some of the thoughts in my head have… I don’t know… a nightmarish, complex, bizarre, or illogical quality. Boy do I wish there were a word I could use to convey that state of mind to others! Life, it gets very bureaucratic sometimes. Sometimes things don’t make […]

Animal Farm by George Orwell is a mind-bending parable that makes the reader think about issues that go far deeper than a cursory reading of the novel’s text might suggest. While initially unclear, by the end of the novel the allegorical nature of Orwell’s phenomenal work of fiction is revealed. Although it took me longer […]

From the Office of the President, John J. DeGioia Dear Members of the Georgetown University Community, As we return to in-person learning this Fall, many of you have doubtless noticed that quite a few things have changed here on the Hilltop since last we met. You may also be wondering, given the skyrocketing cost of […]

In what is expected to become an annual tradition from here on out, a joint announcement was made by the United Nations, Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, Kim Jong Un, the EU, the legislative and executive branches of every national government, Elon Musk, al-Qaeda, Major League Baseball, Big Tech, Big Pharma, Big Geology, ISIS, […]