It is a brilliant blue morning after the evening before the evening before Thursday morning in Yellow Springs, Ohio, where an excited citizenry is putting the last touches on the set of their production of the One Year Anniversary of the Ten Year Anniversary of the Twenty-five Year Anniversary of the Original 1985 West End […]

We don’t want to do this. But, in the name of journalistic integrity and all that we at the Heckler hold dear, we must.  There was a time when the New England Classic was like a brother to us. There was a time when we stood, arm in arm, athwart the tide of untruth, moral […]

In a bid to enhance the customer experience, several national retail chains have programmed their self-checkout counters to blare suggestive, condom-related quips every time a man tries to buy a jimmy.  “Everything’s robots nowadays, you know?” CVS CEO Karen Lynch said during an interview with The Heckler in that one aisle of the store with […]

In normal years, students at Georgetown spend their time bemoaning the brutalist architecture, crowded studying spaces, and sinister trash bags wrapped around the toilet bowls of Lauinger Library (editor’s note: these toilets are not broken, just reserved for Heckler staff). However, this fall, students will be doing the exact same thing with a brand new […]

GEORGETOWN — The widespread Hoya enthusiasm surrounding this year’s commencement was disrupted this morning after an announcement by the Office of the President that the aforementioned ceremonies would be held exclusively in Farsi.  The announcement stated that “In order to achieve an in-person graduation ceremony we had to make some sacrifices, including limiting the number […]

A couple of weeks ago, “Seaspiracy” took Netflix by storm. The sleek new documentary about the policies and practices destroying the world’s seas had all of the hallmarks of a commercial documentary success: Raw, secret footage! A British host! Controversy and corruption! Simplistic solutions for complex issues! For many, the documentary’s revelatory power was just […]

Foiled again! My associates and I here at the agency have spent many, many years trying to figure out how to “take him out,” him being the devious criminal known to us all as Chunky. Though I have no evidence, I just KNOW that he is plotting the downfall of America, and after that will […]

I’m so sick of all this false advertising. I joined Hoya Snaps to bring Eight to the Bar on a Boogie-Woogie piano. I wanted to show I’m a real finger zinger on the brass and I got the chops to play with the cool cats. But no. “Hoya Snaps” has nothing to do with jazz. […]

Dear students,  It is I ––Associate Vice President, University Registrar, and the real mover and shaker of Georgetown admin – Annamarie Bianco. We live in incomprehensible times, so of course, it was essential to ensure that our class registration system is equally as incomprehensible. To celebrate the first day of undergraduate registration and the thirst […]

You’re getting noticed, LinkedIn Member! Your profile appeared in search results 6 times between March 30 and April 6. Way to go! Did you know that millions of members use Premium, including people in your network? Even though you aren’t a Premium member, let’s find out who’s viewed your profile and why.  Large Financial Institution […]