FLYNN PARK MIDDLE SCHOOL – A schoolwide surge of hope was decisively crushed Wednesday when sources revealed that Evan J., despite attending a regional summer camp dedicated exclusively to the subject, was still woefully unprepared for his 7th Grade Earth Science class. “I would never have sent him if I had thought, for even a […]

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Watergate Hotel, a staple of Washington’s tourist scene, has come under fire this week like never before. The Watergate – an institution famous for its unique architecture, complete makeover in the 1980’s, and continental breakfast – risks a permanent stain on its sterling reputation. Manager Ogden Weizenbaum’s mishandling of revenue cost […]

7. Westworld HBO’s Sci-Fi series Westworld brings up the rear of my list because frankly, I barely burnt my hand on the stove even once while I was watching it. At one point I accidentally grazed my hand on the smoldering hot stove as I was reeling in shock at the latest on-screen altercation, but I hardly noticed. A situation not […]

CAPE CANAVERAL – In an age of rapid, unprecedented technological advances, it can be easy for landmark discoveries by our nation’s leading scientists to get lost in the noise. Earlier today however, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) made an official announcement that is sure to set the scientific community, and society as a whole, on […]

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Andrew Custer (MSB ’20) was in rare form interviewing for his summer consulting job. From the “Hello my name is Andrew and I am humbled to be here” to the “it has been a pleasure and an honor speaking with you,” it was total domination. For starters, Andrew lured the unsuspecting interviewer […]

IN CLASS –  The school year has rolled around once again and amphibious Freshman Eugene Gloger (COL ‘22) was not prepared. The professor already told the class about herself and it became time for her to learn a little bit more about her students. She wanted all of the students to share their name and just one […]

GEORGETOWN – With warm weather and the end of classes in sight, the hardworking and studious students at Georgetown are beginning to cheer up at the prospect of summer vacation. Especially George. Freshman George St. George has been seen whirring around Lau, spreading the good news and holiday cheer like a child before Christmas. When […]

GEORGETOWN – Spring, and love, were in the air last weekend when freshmen Henry Swayne and Jackie Schmidt set up a hammock on Copley Lawn and sexiled the entire campus. As is the tradition when warm weather sets in, students flocked to the lawn to toss disc and tan this past Saturday, only to find a sock […]

GEORGETOWN – Students were shocked and confused this morning when reporting for classes in Georgetown’s own White-Gravenor Hall. This was primarily because White-Gravenor, which has stood at the Northern end of Copley Lawn since being finished in 1933, is no longer there, having been lost to Thayne McCulloh, President of Gonzaga University, in a hand […]