UIS: Chaos unfolded this past Sunday evening as Georgetown officials discovered a data breach affecting every single account on the network. Recent changes to network security were supposed to help prevent these breaches but may have accidentally caused them. Notably, all accounts were made to change their passwords to five keywords only they would know […]

AN OPEN LETTER FROM PRESIDENT JOHN J. DEGIOIA TO THE GEORGETOWN COMMUNITY: Hear ye, hear ye, you fucking runts!  We know what you’re up to. You don’t think we catch you entitled little shits smuggling water bottles into Lau? We see everything. More specifically, our underpaid and overworked security guards see everything. How dare you […]

In advance of their upcoming hiring season, the esteemed Georgetown University Agricultural Social Club & Farmers Union (who for some reason run the campus’s student-run banking and credit services) have created a demographic report on their Fall 2021 recruitment and hiring cycle. The report details a demographic breakdown of what communities GUASFCU’s newest tellers, schemers, […]

Eric Santos is a junior at Georgetown University. “This quad is great for studying – I come here almost every day.” He is a dedicated member of the prestigious Blue and Gray Tour Guide Society. “There’s an urban legend that stepping on the seal means graduating late, and personally, I believe it.” He is the […]

Hey, The Caravel! We’d like to challenge you to a friendly game of chess-by-article-headline. The game is simple: we each take turns playing a turn of chess in our article headlines. To use one of your recent headlines as an example, it might read something like “Judge Who Arrested Ex-President Lula da Silva May Soon […]

After final grades were submitted, we asked professors to send us the papers that made them shake their heads and contemplate why they spend so much time and money on getting a PhD. These are some of our top picks: ECON 341: Nunya’s Law and Why It’s None of Your Business The Male Gays: How […]

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s the Egg Signal! After months of silence from not the hero Georgetown needed, but the hero Georgetown deserved, the Georgetown Vigilante Egger returned when we needed him most. Responding to the Egg Signal, the Egger came back to make a statement at Saturday’s Cardinal O’Connor Conference on Life […]

Jack the Bulldog was pulled over by the MPD this Saturday while driving his teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy Toyota Tacoma (so cute!) at 10:34 PM. He was subsequently taken into custody after refusing to take a breathalyzer or field sobriety test — and he continued to refuse any test while in custody. The Heckler’s sources in the […]