GUSA MEETING – “Hear ye, students! Thy votes shall be tallied hence and brought forth by the arbiter!” Sophomore representative Michael Parker pushed forward his agenda today, announcing the 17th referendum on his new GUSA initiative. Aptly titled The Yorick Bill, Parker’s bill allocates additional funding to the various hiring departments at Georgetown to allow […]

WE HAD BEEN UP ALL NIGHT STUDYING, my friends and I, beneath mosque lamps whose brass cupolas are bright as our souls, because like them we were illuminated by the internal glow of electric hearts. And trampling underfoot our native sloth, we literally trampled underfoot the pavement in our truly avant-garde quest to walk down […]

I, Heckler staff writer Horace Harmon Lurton III, took a stab at comedy performance this past semester when I tried out to be a troupe member of the Georgetown Improv Association. At the audition, I found myself surrounded on all sides by tall lanky white boys. I asked the head of improv, “Why all the […]

Many Hoyas have admired Gravis Tripp’s (COL ’24) unreal skateboarding tricks. He can often be observed serpentining around Southwest Quad and grinding on the railings behind Yates. However, Gravis has a secret. And he’s ready to talk about it.  Last Saturday, multiple witnesses noticed a man with a familiar mop of ratty blond hair, which […]

Traditions Day was last week, and we still have absolutely no idea what to make of the mysterious man spotted playing a fiddle on the roof of White-Gravenor, nor what he’s supposed to convey, indicate, or symbolize. He did not respond to our pleas to “get down, please, that’s not a flat roof, you’re going […]

RED SQUARE – Yikes! Most of the student body was confused and made to feel at least a bit icky upon entering Red Square this past week, as GU Right to Life once again spent their free time writing odd, cryptic messages on the ground instead of, say, preventing abortions by giving out condoms, helping […]

The changing of the leaves marks that special time of year: when disappointed Capitol Hill hopefuls look to get the next best thing by running for GUSA Senate. Yet, while many students are eager to compare candidates’ platforms, the rhetoric of campus politics can take a toll. I’m taking every measure possible to avoid the […]

Midterms may be weighing on everyone on this campus, but The Heckler has something that will cheer you up: Jake Simpson (SFS ‘25) and Sydney James (COL ‘25) are back together again (according to a video on their joint couple TikTok account)! This happy news comes as a total relief to anyone trying to study […]

Announcing that it’s time for some underground artists to get the recognition they deserve, Tyler Pilk has launched his new radio show “Beanies and Bands.” He says his show will be a breath of fresh air from all the mainstream artists he’s sure they play on the radio all the time. When we asked him […]

Jon Lurman (MSB ‘22) was spotted looking up from his GoogleCal for the first time in over a week when a friend inquired as to his persisting virginity. “It’s not that I’m not a sexual being,” Lurman retorted whilst editing the cover page on his resume, “it’s that I’m too busy to be one right […]