You don’t know him. He doesn’t know you. But you’ve seen him all over campus and on your Pinterest boards. You can’t get him out of your mind. Does he even know you exist? Probably not. Everyone wants him; No one can have him. Alas, wonder no more! We, Hecklers, have taken the liberty to […]

Dear Georgetown,  I’m gonna level with you here, I’m having some money issues and am in dire straits. Since my parents are no longer sending me $2,000 a month to support my lifestyle, I am forced to take drastic measures to ensure I do not starve on the mean streets of Washington DC.  It would […]

Freshman Thomas Hunt (SFS ‘26) was eager to make a good impression in his IR discussion section, so to prepare, he meticulously researched the wide-ranging impacts of the Iraq War. Unfortunately, he also opened up Clash Royale, to, in his own words, “get into that aggressive headspace.” In an effort to psyche himself up to […]

So I’ve been hearing a lot about the upcoming elections and have come to understand how critical the 2022 midterms are to ensuring the preservation of the liberties and values I enjoy as an American. I’ve spent countless hours researching the various candidates on my ballot and have greatly enjoyed learning about which candidates will […]

Only 3 years after saying they were creating a Fund (2019), 6 Years after students highlighted and protested Georgetown’s appallingly racist history (2016), and 184 years after brutally enslaving and selling human beings to fund a floundering university (1838), the Georgetown Administration has sent an emailing pledging to begin “a new stage in [their] work […]

NEW SOUTH – New freshman Hannah McDermont (COL ‘26) was in for a shock this past weekend when her mild attempt to drop one section of Problem of God and, simultaneously, add a different section of Problem of God ended in eternal damnation for the Floridian linguistics major. “I guess I just don’t know what […]

Dear Diary, Today, I went back. I couldn’t help myself. The cedar wood, the oh-so-right cushions that support my body in the perfect way, and the perfectly dimmed lighting just make me feel like I’m waiting to be seen by Mr. Gray. When I ascend the spiral staircase, it’s like I’m entering a portal into […]

Bats abound, pumpkins aplenty – It’s that time of the year again. That’s right, it is the annual “Sacrifice a Freshman” time from our very own Copley Crypt Cult. One of the many Georgetown traditions celebrated on campus, the Copley Crypt Cult typically picks three freshmen to sacrifice in the month of October in honor […]

“Some may say that my desire to sit on the statue of Archbishop John Carroll is my way of confronting my fear of intimacy with other men and enjoying a deep cooling sensation,” Pence said. “However, this simply isn’t the case. I admire John Carroll because of his Christian faith and because he was a […]

So you made the mistake of sticking around Georgetown for another semester, because during your junior year the “global pandemic” happened to “disrupt” your flourishing undergraduate “education.” That’s cool! What a normal, amazing choice you have made for yourself. That also means you have another semester to work on your thesis. Wow! But one thing […]