This semester, GPB has officially offered a pinky promise to all students that they will host a single event that can be deemed “thoroughly enjoyable” by even a single student. The bold claim comes after general disappointed acceptance regarding the organization’s role on campus in past semesters. “We weally weally pwomise dat we will do […]

Midway through his daily run last Thursday, Brady (MSB ‘24) came to a startling realization: every monument he’d passed had depicted a man. Confused, he began to look for public displays dedicated to women as he ran back to campus. “I was sure I saw one at the Vietnam War memorial,” he told reporters, “But […]

The distress call came in at 11:47pm. An attempted robbery on Prospect and 36th.  GUPD officers Gump and Gumbo blitzed to the scene at a leisurely pace. The crime was still unfolding as they arrived—a masked assailant attempting to wrest a handbag from a panicked student.  “Woah woah woah, hold it right there mister,” officer […]

As Georgetown’s class of 2026 begins to find their home on campus, first-year students have had to meet the challenges of independent living for the first time. Without doting caretakers ready to listen to and accommodate their child’s every qualm, new students have yearned for another outlet to vent their frustrations to. The campus Department […]

Ok, here it is! The Hoya application link. You can click it if you want. It’s just a Google Form, this should be easy! Get to muckraking! Threaten to sue people! Read the paper! https://forms.gle/yKNQhk2hZbk9hqdH8

Blimey! So the queen has finally kicked the bucket. Before you light a candle in your window (or break out your celebratory tea and crumpets), there’s one question you’ve got to answer: How are you going to make this groundbreaking, worldwide, historic event about you? If you want to be sad: make sure to post […]

This week, Lea Michele will officially replace Beanie Feldstein in the role of Fanny Brice in the 2022 revival of Funny Girl. After several months of snobbish reviews of Feldstein’s performance, looks, and her singing voice, Feldstein left the run weeks early. The producers, who were rumored to have forced Feldstein to quit, quickly redesigned […]

Once a Hoya, always a Hoya.  After many autumns of successful New Student Orientation (NSO) programs, Georgetown’s Orientation, Transition & Family Engagement Team will finally give older Hoyas an equally invigorating experience through OSO: Old Student Orientation. Rather than being oriented with the campus and Georgetown’s academic system, alumni aged 65 years and older will […]

Declaring she had just broken up with her boyfriend and didn’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day, Klare Rhett (COL ’24) announced to her friends this Thursday that she was in her “Fleabag era.” And after explaining to them that no, that does not mean she has fleas, Rhett’s friends (minus the one whose boyfriend […]

Last weekend, GUPD Chief Jay Gruber attempted to catch students intending to commit the criminal offense of underage drinking. Surprisingly, no one tried to drink alcohol at the fake party. Here’s what real students had to say about it: “I mean, he’s at least 60 years old. Once we showed up, it was pretty clear […]