I’m a white guy, but don’t worry––it’s cool. I’m one of the good ones. I totally recognize my privilege and I’m like an ally and stuff too. And not to flex, but today I was such a good ally when I called out this sexist author in my IR Class. We’re learning about realism and […]

Georgetown University took almost an hour to inform students of a shooting incident just blocks from campus. Why the delay? We put the question to the school’s administrative bigwigs, and this is what they said. DeGioia: “I just get a little antsy about acting on our own, you know? Like—when should we inform students about […]

TUESDAY – ONE HUNDRED SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT The Heckler: Good afternoon, readers. Today I’m interviewing the brainchild behind Midnight MUG’s new round of bland yet inexplicably ominous reopening posters – a new hire at the Corp marketing department called – uh, I think it was “Strangelove?” Dr. Strangelove, SFS ’23: Yes, Herr Interviewer, zat’s correct. […]

Dear God, why did he pick me? I had one conversation with DeGioia when I was one of the student-athletes recognized at a Hoyas basketball game (Georgetown Sailing represent!), and now every time I’m in the same general vicinity as him he goes out of his way to shoot finger guns at me or give […]

“Now listen, I think the best way for you all to understand the material is by talking about and figuring it out amongst yourselves, not just getting lectured at by a boring old man,” said Professor Elroy to his ENGL 207 class. Attempting to get the discussion started, sophomore Melissa Alderman began to suggest that […]

UIS: Chaos unfolded this past Sunday evening as Georgetown officials discovered a data breach affecting every single account on the network. Recent changes to network security were supposed to help prevent these breaches but may have accidentally caused them. Notably, all accounts were made to change their passwords to five keywords only they would know […]

AN OPEN LETTER FROM PRESIDENT JOHN J. DEGIOIA TO THE GEORGETOWN COMMUNITY: Hear ye, hear ye, you fucking runts!  We know what you’re up to. You don’t think we catch you entitled little shits smuggling water bottles into Lau? We see everything. More specifically, our underpaid and overworked security guards see everything. How dare you […]

In advance of their upcoming hiring season, the esteemed Georgetown University Agricultural Social Club & Farmers Union (who for some reason run the campus’s student-run banking and credit services) have created a demographic report on their Fall 2021 recruitment and hiring cycle. The report details a demographic breakdown of what communities GUASFCU’s newest tellers, schemers, […]

Eric Santos is a junior at Georgetown University. “This quad is great for studying – I come here almost every day.” He is a dedicated member of the prestigious Blue and Gray Tour Guide Society. “There’s an urban legend that stepping on the seal means graduating late, and personally, I believe it.” He is the […]